Why are ladies proud to be a single mom in the Philippines?

**Stigg ma** · April 13th, 2016 07:21 PM

Hello my fellow tsikoters

would you mind sharing your insights on why ladies in the Philippines are proud to be a single mom? (except to those ladies who their partner died, thus the reason why they are single moms)

i know majority of members here are men, but still what can you say?

i just want to be enlightened with this topic, in america, men are forced by government to provide financial support to their child in-case they separate via automatic salary deduction...

but here in the Philippines there is no such thing, i even hear from girls that they don't mind if the guy will not provide financial support (win x2 for the men and since he can get away with it, why not do it again!)

i want to find out why this is the trend because in the future, these children raised by single parent might be our next headache leaders because they were not raised in balance by a father and a mother...

**_Cathy_** · April 13th, 2016 07:34 PM

Where do you meet these women?

I've never met any single mom that is proud of their situation. On the contrary, I do know women who take tons of sh1t, nagtiis, wag lang masabing broken family.

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**Stigg ma** · April 13th, 2016 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by _Cathy_

Where do you meet these women?

I've never met any single mom that is proud of their situation. On the contrary, I do know women who take tons of sh1t, nagtiis, wag lang masabing broken family.

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call centers/BPO, various dating websites... single moms as early as 18 (18 is the minimum age allowed by the website)

well i agree with your outlook in life, but there is a saying "kung ano mali, siya masarap!" with this, could this be the reason why they are proud?

**niky** · April 14th, 2016 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Stigg ma

call centers/BPO, various dating websites... single moms as early as 18 (18 is the minimum age allowed by the website)

well i agree with your outlook in life, but there is a saying "kung ano mali, siya masarap!" with this, could this be the reason why they are proud?

Firstly, it is wrong to bring a child into this world without any plans for how to support or raise it.

BUT: It is not wrong to take care of that child by yourself and to refuse to "settle" for a substandard excuse for a father if you can't find the right man.

Originally Posted by shadow

They're proud because they're able to raise their child on their own.

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This is the long, short and very short of it. If you can juggle a job and a child properly all by your lonesome, you have a damn right to be proud. Ang hirap nga magkaanak kung may asawa ka... mas mahirap pa kung mag-isa. For friends in industry and from College I know who had kids yet managed to survive and prosper, I have nothing but the utmost respect.

Originally Posted by _Cathy_

I think it is selfish to actively put a child in this world without a father. Kung hindi kailangan ng babae ng asawa, ang bata kailangan ng tatay.

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Not true. A child needs a stable home environment. This can be done with a single parent. With a single parent assisted by grandparents or siblings. With two same-*** partners. With a husband and wife. With a "houseband" and working wife. With a husband and wife supported by grandparents or siblings.

As said by yebo, the "village" that raises the child isn't solely confined to the parents.

I know people who were forced to marry simply because of a child. They mostly ended up miserable. Those who stuck it out apart still don't have an easy time of it... our culture is incredibly prejudiced against those who have children out of wedlock... but they eventually find something better. (the father still has the duty to provide and to be available for the children, if possible)

If you are afraid of marriage, then don't. There are many benefits, but only if you find someone who you can commit to and who will commit to being in a monogamous relationship with you through thick and thin. Marriage doesn't just require love, it requires work. If you're not willing to work for it, don't get married.

Originally Posted by Yatta

Woah, now its the woman's fault she got knocked up?

I guess he doesn't know how teenage pregnancies happen.

Originally Posted by Stigg ma

is it the women's fault? no, its both their fault, but on the other side, it was the woman who decided to let the man in and thus resulted to an offspring... the question is why do they say on social media that they are proud single moms and when you ask them, they will respond they are not interested to get child support from the father?

You do know that most unplanned pregnancies happen in high school or just after high school? And that they often happen to virgins or the ***ually inexperienced?

You also realize that, this being a Catholic country, there is a stigma on birth control, and that young women and teenagers have less access to birth control?

And that young, impressionable girls are more easy to coerce into ***? It's not a simple rape/no rape thing... ***ual coercion and domineering/aggressive partners are a very real danger for women entering the adult world.

-

Some of these women could be proud because they have escaped from a bad situation or relationship and are managing life on their own.

Not all of them are like this. There are single women (and men) who rely on their parents or family to take care of their "mistakes" for them.

But those whom I know personally are very motivated to do everything they can to provide for their child, both in terms of money and emotional support.

Hell, I know of one who's juggling jobs to put three kids through private schools. Now that's a super-mom.

If I could raise a kid like that, I'd be proud, too.

If the dad is a deadbeat, why would you want to rely on support from him? It takes time and energy to chase after fathers who've abandoned their families... time that could be spent making money instead and supporting your child.

**_Cathy_** · April 14th, 2016 12:53 PM

The problem is women marry men who change after marriage (vice versa)

My friend told me about her friend who is a battered wife (very few know). Nobody would have known that the guy was a wife beater. The guy looks so timid and it's even her friend that looks b1tchy. She's still with him and staying for the sake of the children. Marami, lumalabas lang ugali after ikasal. That's what I mean by marriage is a lottery. Sometimes no matter how careful you are, you will never really know. In that instance, I think the woman is better off being a single Mom than having children grow up in a violent household. Breaking free from that sort of relationship and raising your children alone is something to be proud of.

What I don't agree with is women who just want to use men for their sperm, saying they don't need a man and can raise a child alone. Why consciously deprive the child of a father?

**yebo** · April 14th, 2016 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by _Cathy_

What I don't agree with is women who just want to use men for their sperm, saying they don't need a man and can raise a child alone. Why consciously deprive the child of a father?

baka naman tibo?

I know a gay couple sa dating salon na pinupuntahan ni misis. nagpakalalaki yung isa to impregnate their maid (for a fee). high school na yung daughter nila. pinsan naman ni misis tibo pero may anak. same, nagpabuntis then left the guy. may "mister" siya, kala mo lalaki kung di mo mapapansin na walang adams apple.

**Mentis** · April 13th, 2016 07:43 PM

I know someone, nung kabataan nya nabuntis sya ng bf nyang seaman and during that time nakakapag japan sya at may kaluhuan ang lifestyle nya kaya mataas ang ere. Niyaya sya ng bf nyang magpakasal dahil nga buntis, ayaw nya kesyo hindi nya raw kelangan ng asawa...anak lang daw!
After several years, hindi na sya nakaalis, in other words gutom na! Napilitan syang mag-Dubai as househelper. Now, ang lagi ng laman ng FB nya puro bitterness sa buhay kesyo ang hirap daw maging single mom! 😄
Minsan naka-chat ko, sabi ko bakit ka naghahanap ng makakapartner now, akala ko ba anak lang gusto mo? Sagot sa akin....noon yun bata pa ako!
In other words, katwirang bata lang yang "anak lang gusto" kahit nung HS ako dami ko naringgan classmate na babae ganyan pangangatwiran 😄 yung iba naging single mom nga, now puro din bitterness sa buhay ang laman ng FB 😄 hirap kaya walang kapartner sa pagpapalaki ng anak at nagsosolo sa pagtanda.

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**Stigg ma** · April 13th, 2016 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by Mentis

I know someone, nung kabataan nya nabuntis sya ng bf nyang seaman and during that time nakakapag japan sya at may kaluhuan ang lifestyle nya kaya mataas ang ere. Niyaya sya ng bf nyang magpakasal dahil nga buntis, ayaw nya kesyo hindi nya raw kelangan ng asawa...anak lang daw!
After several years, hindi na sya nakaalis, in other words gutom na! Napilitan syang mag-Dubai as househelper. Now, ang lagi ng laman ng FB nya puro bitterness sa buhay kesyo ang hirap daw maging single mom! 😄
Minsan naka-chat ko, sabi ko bakit ka naghahanap ng makakapartner now, akala ko ba anak lang gusto mo? Sagot sa akin....noon yun bata pa ako!
In other words, katwirang bata lang yang "anak lang gusto" kahit nung HS ako dami ko naringgan classmate na babae ganyan pangangatwiran 😄 yung iba naging single mom nga, now puro din bitterness sa buhay ang laman ng FB 😄 hirap kaya walang kapartner sa pagpapalaki ng anak at nagsosolo sa pagtanda.

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i can relate with this, i had an experience with a girl that i like in the office but she only wanted a child lang daw, no relationships... so she turned down on me... so ganun nga nangyari, single mom na siya and proud na proud pa... i transfered office and no longer have info about her, but today i checked her FB (last update about her was 5 years ago) and shes with a lesbo!

what could be the reasoning behind this?

**oj88** · April 13th, 2016 08:16 PM

You need to put it in the proper context.

I know a few women who are single moms. Most aren't proud of the circumstances leading up to them becoming single parents. But what makes them proud is that, even alone, they try very hard to give their children a decent living. Most single parents tends to be more assertive decision makers and more resilient at dealing with problems.... they've had a lot of practice raising their child.

It's never ideal for the child under these circumstances, of course, but these single parents have to work with the cards they're dealt with, even if it was through their own doing. I mean, do they have a choice?

**Stigg ma** · April 13th, 2016 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by oj88

You need to put it in the proper context.

I know a few women who are single moms. Most aren't proud of the circumstances leading up to them becoming single parents. But what makes them proud is that, even alone, they try very hard to give their children a decent living. Most single parents tends to be more assertive decision makers and more resilient at dealing with problems.... they've had a lot of practice raising their child.

It's never ideal for the child under these circumstances, of course, but these single parents have to work with the cards they're dealt with, even if it was through their own doing. I mean, do they have a choice?

i see, im just wondering why these single moms are proud not to want to have child support from the father with excuses like the father is useless, lazy, no money and is a headache...