[Merged] Just for Laughs

[bavent]

LITTLE JOHNNY strikes again:
>
>"Michael, If you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady,
>how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room?" the
>teacher asked.
>
>"Just a minute, I have to go pee," he said.
>
>The teacher replied," That would be rude and impolite.
>
>What about you Paul, how would you say it?
>
>"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right
>back."
>
>The teacher responded," That's better, but it's still not very
mannerly

>to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."
>
>"And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and
>show us your good manners."
>
>I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment; I have to
>shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
>meet after dinner."
>
>The teacher fainted.

[BoEinG_747]

Women are unique...

They can release blood for 4-5 days without dying...

Can supply milk for 6-12 months without spoiling...

And make HOTDOGS hard for 1-2 minutes without freezing!...

[c0zee]

FREE DRINKS

Larry and Steve wanted to go out drinking; they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage. Steve said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Steve said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"

Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks.

Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth bar, Steve said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"

Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar.

[russpogi]

^hahahaha!!!!

[falalofasion]

[QUOTE=yuichi;557311]Pinoys Favorite Food:
THIS WAS POSTED IN ONE RESTAURANT NEAR NAIA AIRPORT,
so, maybe next time you are around the area, you may
as well dine-in there, and check out their menu; AS
YOU GO ON, IT'S BECOMING INTERESTING AND MORE
FLAVORFUL!!! (this is based on true facts...)

1. TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog

2. LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog

3. HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog

4. PORKSILOG - Pork, Sinangag, Itlog

5. CHICKSILOG - Chicken, Sinangag Itlog

6. AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso

7. LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog

8. PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog

9. KALOG - Kanin, Itlog

10. PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog

11. MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog

12. BAHAW - Bakang Inihaw (akala ninyo kaning lamig ano)

13. KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw

14. HIMAS - Hipon Malasado

15. HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso

16. HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan

17. PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo, Malasado, Laing, Kilawin

18. DILA - Dinuguan, Laing

19. DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo

20. BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape

21. BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape, Molong Pancit

22. KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong

23. KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit

24. SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit,
25. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit - Take out

26. SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo

27. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup

28. PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong

29. PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong

30. PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang, Talong, Kapeng Barako

31. PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Saging + Yosi

32. PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape

33. PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya, Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit

34. SUBO - Sugpo, Bopis

35. SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo

36. SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit

37. SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige

38. SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki, Kochinta

39. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis

40. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - ...same as #39,
minura mo lang yung waiter kasi ang tagal ng order.


NOW, YOU BELIEVE, FILIPINO CUISINE MENUS CAN B E SO
APPETIZING, SERVE WITH SIZZLING LIBIDO... ENJOY YOUR
MEAL, BON APPETITI!!![/QUO
ANG CORNY NMN N2!!!

[lolo pepe]

ito kaya yung restaurant? hehehe



[SIZE="1"]picture borrowed from *outmap post sa "funny pics" thread.[/SIZE]

[russpogi]

Doctors Notes

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX



At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA



One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left". Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester , MA



During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA



Note: Know why doctors are called practicing physicians?
Answer: because there's only one GREAT PHYSICIAN...

[b1rken5tock]

he he he.. naka jackpot si manong magbobote...

[drifto]

VIRGIN MALE on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what to do.
> > MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
> > SON: OK. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?


> > OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
> > FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can
even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.


> > 2 employees were caught naked and having *** in the office by the
guard.
> > GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules!
> > MAN: What rule?
> > GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.


> > Q: What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
> > A: If the baby looks like the father, that is biology. If he looks
like the neighbour, that's sociology.


> > Q: Define Impotence?
> > A: It's nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"


> > A husband was asked: Do you talk to you wife after ***?
> > His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.



> > At the movie house.
> > GIRL: Honey, the man beside me is masturbating.
> > BF: just ignore him dear.
> > GIRL: I can't. He's using my hand!!



> > Q: Why was the 2 piece bikini invented?
> > A: To separate the meat section from the dairy section.



> > Boy 1: why did you run away from the naked lady?
> > Boy 2: because my mom said that if I look at a naked lady I will
turn to stone, and a part of me was already getting hard!!


>>> A camel and an elephant met. The elephant asked the camel Why do you
have your breasts on your back?
> > The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies ..
What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!

very funny! i like this joke may sense.

nawala pagod ko ahh!!

[vhenok]

O eto para sa mga wala pang karansan sa F---ing!

Frequently Asked Question About F--ing

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe f---?
A. Although married people f--- often, there are many single
people who f--- complete strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about f---ing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to f---. If they do, they will
give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had f--- when they were young, and
were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they
were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they
can f---?
A. F---ing can be performed at any age once you learn the
correct procedure.

Q. If I f--- something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay
to f---. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their f--- drives
and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for f---ing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are f---ing, a
cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and f---
prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people f--- prematurely when they haven't
f---ed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind
if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business f---. Can transmissions
become mixed up?
A. Being bi-f---ual can be confusing, but so long as you use a
cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not
supposed to.

Q. Is getting f---ed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would
like you to believe that the longer they are f---ing you the
better you will like it. In reality the best f--- is short,
of high quality, and very graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to f--- (I've tried
several times) but he can't seem to keep his equipment
up long enough.
Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good f--- therapist, such
as Canon or Mitsubishi or Brother. If he refuses to take the suggestion,
it would be best if you just wrote him off.













Syak ka no, mali ka don..... FAXING yon!